To whom it may concern:

Valentine’s Day is on a Tuesday this year, and while some of us may be in love and in a state of bliss this year, some are not.

For those of us who are single, it is one of the most unbearable times of the year. If you are like me, you want to keep your distance from the loving couples.

First, avoid the biggest offenders: underneath the old gym, underneath the auditorium awning, and outside the band room. Those hotspots are teeming with cringe-worthy couples making out on any given day; who knows how bad it will be with giant bears and chocolates?

Avoid secluded, out of the way places; people are going to go where they will not get caught, so choose the longer walk over Romeo and Juliet or Kim and Kanye.

The awning under the auditorium is bad simply because the people in loving, committed relationships tend to congregate there. It seems unfair to the rest of us who are single. Seriously though, avoid that area at all costs if you are upset about not being in a relationship. Use a different preposition, and go around, not under.

The area outside the band room is bad because most “affectionate” couples hang there, so do not go there. And under the stairs, at least one couple is always under a set of stairs in this building.

If you think you are not going to see one couple all day, you are fooling yourself.  They are everywhere even when it is not Valentine’s Day.

If you are lucky enough to be in a relationship this Valentine’s Day, be subtle, and do not rub it in.  The rest of us will already be crying over a pint of ice cream about our own failed relationships.

Sincerely,

A bitter single person who will be doing just that.